By Brianna Krueger
“There’s plenty of fish in the sea,” is undoubtedly one of the most cliché sayings when it comes to dating, breaking up, and moving on.
So many to see, so little time, and unfortunately, I’m not a big fan of fishing. Dating can be fun and thrilling, but also exhausting, and depending on the app, disgusting, just like real fishing.
Finding the one in a sea of millions and millions of fish is hard. Again…plenty of fish. Also again, so little time. Why keep a fish around if I kiss it on the lips and he doesn’t turn into prince charming? (Okay, wrong animal, but you get the point.) I don’t want to waste my time or somebody else’s if I know he’s the wrong fish.
A friend recently told me that I give up too easily, that I don’t give myself enough time to get to know them, but sometimes you just know when you know when things aren’t meant to be. (Plus if I take one fish out of the sea, it’s a lot less to go through.)
Here a few reasons I cut my lines free and recast my reel (these are different guys, but for privacy reasons, I’ll refer to all of them as “Bob”:
He called my friend a bitch. Repeatedly. To her face.
Granted, it started as a joke during a game of Who’s Most Likely To. The group, who all knew each other except him (this was the friend test), voted the friend most likely to be a bitch. Bob then decided to keep the joke going and called her “hey bitch.” At first, we laughed it off, but as the night wore on, he kept calling her “hey bitch.” While it was meant to be funny, it dragged the joke out way too long and got irritating.
Needless to say, my friends weren’t impressed, and I value their opinion.
He kissed like a whack-a-mole.
Bob wanted to give me a kiss goodnight after our first date. I assumed it’d be a simple peck. Instead, I was taken aback to have his tongue being shoved down my throat. His tongue darted in and out like whack-a-mole, making me wonder if this was a new form of trying to suffocate someone because I couldn’t get a breathe in with his tongue in my mouth.
It was so off-putting for a first kiss, that it made me kind of dread having to kiss him again, which is a shame because kissing is supposed to be fun.
He judged me for having TWO slices of pizza.
Who has just one slice of pizza?! When Bob asked me, “you’re really having a second piece?” I thought it was a joke till I saw the pinched-up look of disgust on his face. I still took it, contemplated a third, but thought I’d been judged enough already.
Call it petty, but you don’t mess with me and pizza. I will openly admit to eating a full pizza on my own, so yes, I will have two, three, four slices to my heart’s and stomach’s content.
He asked me how “how did you sleep?” every. single. morning.
Bob asked me this seemingly innocent question, which is probably making you wonder what’s wrong with me. But after a few days of answering the question, I was out of responses; you can only say it was good/fine/nice so many different ways or times. I tried avoiding the question in favor of comment or question that would have conversation longevity, but he legitimately wanted to know how I slept, and would double ask if I ignored.
The question and demand for a response made me feel babied. Especially since I learned he asked his child it every day (yeah, he was a single dad, but I can’t say that was the deal breaker).
He compared steak to rape.
Bob had a passion for steak and considered himself a master griller. When I told him how I like my filet mignons well done, which I already know people consider to be overdone, he was baffled. Bob didn’t know how cook steak like that, and I told him you butterfly it, to which he said, “I could never cook a steak like that because it’s raping the steak.”
No. You can’t compare cooking/grilling to rape.
He sent me too many selfies.
Bob loved selfies. While he’s grocery shopping. While he’s picking out an ugly Christmas sweater. While he’s trying to fall asleep. While he’s brushing his teeth. Half our conversations consisted of him responding by selfie as to what he was doing or how he was feeling, and I found it weird. I tried to imagine what it would be like to take a selfie while grabbing a gallon of milk or something else mundane in public but found it awkward.
Props to him for his confidence in shameless selfies, but sometimes I just want a conversation.
He wanted to weigh me.
Bob and I were having a casual date of cuddling on the couch and watching a movie when something inspired a conversation about physical strength. Bob wanted to prove he could bench press me/my weight, and proceeded to ask how much I weigh, which isn’t a question most girls want to answer. He came up with the ‘solution’ to drag me to his bathroom and hold me while he stood on the scale, and since he knew his weight, he would subtract mine from it to make me less uncomfortable. Why he couldn’t just lift me up without the scale as proof of his strength still remains a mystery to me.
Don’t force someone to put their weight out there if they don’t want to, and don’t be a macho douche having to show off your strength. I would have believed him without any of this happening.
He asked me out to Founders.
Six other Bobs have taken or attempted to take me to Founders for a first date. When seventh Bob asked me, I rolled my eyes hard. Founders Brewery is the most overrated brewery in Grand Rapids, and the most clichéd place for a first date. If seventh Bob couldn’t be creative and at least think of one of the other 50 breweries, I didn’t have high hopes for the date – after all, I’d had six other unsuccessful dates there.
I politely asked Bob to go elsewhere, but he couldn’t be swayed, so it was a no from me.
He didn’t ask me a single personal question.
In the three weeks we texted, Bob never asked me anything personal or truly tried to get to know me. In fact, when I tried to get to know him, he got irritated with me and said he felt like he was being interviewed. Sorry for trying to get to know you? Questions typically do that.
For some reason, I still continued talking to him (bad on my part). It was when Bob asked me, “What do you do for work again?” that was the final straw. Again?! He never asked in the first place.
He went on another date after our date.
Bob and I had a great second date of dinner, drinks, and fowling. Being that it was also a work night, I told Bob goodnight at 9:30. After all, we’d been out for three and a half hours, which is a respectful date time. However, it was seemingly not enough for Bob, who went out on another date following ours because it was still ‘early in the night.’
Though we were not exclusive, I didn’t want to hear about Bob going out on a date. Especially one immediately following ours. It was a total turnoff. He could have at least lied and said he went to bed.
He was coming on too strong too fast.
Every woman wants to know she’s desired in a relationship, and know that their date is interested in them. However, there’s a line between giving a compliment and over complimenting. Bob called me beautiful 8 times during one dinner meal and brought it up during subjects that didn’t need to involve me. He also loved all my quirks, like my desire to want to lick the ice cream bowl clean (I didn’t), and thought I was perfect and everything he’s ever wanted in a woman. Woah buddy, it’s been two dates and a week of texting.
Showing interest is good and so are compliments, but don’t over flatter me because it doesn’t come off as authentic, and honestly makes me worry that the next date might include an engagement ring.
He called too late on my birthday.
It was my first birthday with a boyfriend, and it was a significant birthday. The big 18! Finally an adult. Unfortunately, Bob and I were temporarily long-distance for the summer so we couldn’t spend the day together in person. He didn’t call (or text or write on my myspace wall) till 10pm. He proceeded to ask, “Did you get any birthday booty?” (And he was serious.) Yes, for my birthday gift, I decided to cheat on you, because apparently, I’m the gift that gives.
The next day, I said it was over. Aly & Aj even warned him with the Potential Breakup Song.
He told me men feel no pleasure during sex if they’re wearing a condom… on the first date.
Bob and I were enjoying a nice dinner and some drinks, and somehow the conversation turned to sex, and he felt the need to share this tidbit of information. Given the fact that most women don’t orgasm just from penetrative sex, and men finish way more often than women, I don’t give a fuck.
It’d be one thing to say this to someone you’re in a relationship with or have maybe met more than an hour ago, but to a stranger, you’re trying to woo it comes off as you only care about your own pleasure.
These may have been silly or petty reasons I cut a guy loose, but there’s always more to the story than just these snippets of bad habits, strange behavior, and annoyances. These were simply the final nail in the coffin before I ended things, but at the bottom of it, I wasn’t feeling a connection with any of these Bobs. If I was, I would be more willing to let things slide or turn a blind eye and not notice it because I’m so hooked on them.
I’m not a terrible person for not liking every guy I go on a date with. I want to like them and have some sort of interest in them – that’s why I go out in the first place. And maybe a few times after that. However, sometimes after those dates, as you get to know the person, you realize they’re not for you. And that’s okay. Not every person you date will be your fish in shining armor.
Till my next fish, thank u, next.
Share in the comments why you’ve cut a date loose.
Brianna Krueger is a writer, cheese enthusiast, and professional dog cuddler. She enjoys sharing experiences about her life while poking fun at herself and doesn’t take herself too seriously (unless you’re her boss – then she takes herself very seriously). She is currently single and looking for eligible bachelors who are better than the guys above.